Job search faith

I am embarking on my ninth month of job searching. It's been tough. It's worse than a regular job because I am paying for all this myself and by the one measure that matters, I have been doing a crappy job. Feedback is scarce and after a certain point, it's hard to act on it because it feels like nothing has worked. Why bother?

Then I talk to people who weren't laid off and get advice like, "Have you gone to CareerBuilder?" and want to put my head to the table. Really? REALLY? Is that what you think differentiates you and me? You would look on CareerBuilder? Yeah, it's frustrating. It's not like taking an SAT or getting through a class. There is no guaranteed way to a job. I've networked, rebranded, applied and applied. I've got more versions of my resume than I care to count. And now, I feel like I'm running out of steam.

There's probably someone out there thinking I am unsuccessful because I have a negative attitude and haven't applied myself enough. I'm right there with you. I only have myself to blame.

What's wrong, I wonder, what do I do better? I'm plagued with these questions. And then there is life. Balancing a job search and family. Don't find many articles on that.

Last night we were at the emergency room because my youngest got his finger smashed. Why? Boys were being boys; Fat Tony needed to work; and I needed to be on a networking call.  Constantly, our minds are pulled away from what is in front of us to where we "need" to be. Fortunately, there was no broken bones, just lots of blood stains, tears, and now a big looming medical bill. Just like the bleeding ulcer, it's tempting to think this wouldn't have happened if one of us had a job that would support us.

I keep thinking we are learning and will come out better for this experience, but do we really know this? Am I just making up stories to make myself feel better?

This is where faith comes in. If there is one thing I need to learn, it's how to have faith. It's never been easy for me to an altogether positive person. I always brought a dark lining to any situation. Maybe I thought I was being analytical or insightful, now I see it's useless. So what? I've decided there is absolutely no good in dwelling on bad scenarios. Some might even say that entertaining bad thoughts creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I am wiping my slate clean. I'm working on being a positive but not delusional person. Where to start? I'm working on doing more, applying less.