INTP job search problem: Lack of focus

It's been hard to keep my head up. Rumored hiring freezes and more dead-ends.

When I am feeling unproductive, I tend to re-check my Myers-Briggs type. Over time I've come to settle down on INTP, or Introspective, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiver:

INTPs don't want to lead or be led. They live inside their own heads, thinking. Nicknamed Architects, Thinkers, or Engineers, they are types to sit and work alone for many hours. Albert Einstein, they say, was an INTP. There are very few examples of women INTPs.

One of the pitfalls to being this type is it's difficult to focus because you are always taking in new information. I've never felt like I've never been able to find a groove for myself and throw myself completely into an endeavor, to let enthusiasm for a topic take over my being and think years ahead to the end-game. It just never seemed to matter. Of course, INTPs aren't the only ones with this problem, but most people outgrow this phase. Knowing my lack of focus comes from a particular set of qualities other people share gives me hope. I am not so uniquely flawed.

INTPs are supposedly very good problem solvers, particularly in scientific and technical fields. Funny enough, that is exactly what I did. I was a scientist, then a technical problem solver. Unfortunately for me companies are not looking for problem solvers, they are looking for "experienced" [fill in exact job title here] who are "proven" and "successful" with several years of experience at [niched job tasks]. At my last employer, I moved through a series of jobs quickly. At the time, it seemed like I was on a fast track. Now, not so much.

Computer programming comes up as a good job for INTPs. Most of the web postings are from guys in their 20's. (Self-selecting population, perhaps?) That said, I have an inkling I would like it. So part of me thinks I should hurry up and learn how to program. But wait, I have two boys, summer vacation looming, and a job search to do. I do not have many quiet hours to devote to this goal. Fun and interesting as this sounds, I don't think I can make this my number 1 priority.

My biggest problem is income. Conventional wisdom says, "Get a job." (Or as my mother would say, "Get a real job.") Lots of people do it and when they play it right, it works out great for them.

It's tough working for a company, especially a large one. Pharma and medical device consolidation is a fact of life for the foreseeable future. One industry insider said his company is looking to reduce budget 10% this year and another 10% next. Easiest way is to shed Sales and Marketing personnel. Derek Lowe has been posting on how much pharma has been spending on marketing vs. R&D. For an industry that relies on discovering drugs and innovating devices, this imbalance is utterly unsustainable.

Basically, I've got a few challenges to deal with: declining number of jobs, increasing competition, lack of specific experience.

But the worst of all is lack of focus. When you lack focus, you can't effectively "brand" yourself. In my case, "Problem Solver" is not effective, but I'm such a stickler for correctness, I have difficulty stating something else. I am a problem solver. I've worked on all sorts of scientific and technical problems. I have no trouble taking on new information and I believe that ability makes me a better problem solver because I don't carry assumptions.

Ironically enough, being a problem solver is my central problem because I have not defined myself well for other people. People look at my resume and say things like, "Impressive," but don't know what to do with me. I've also tailored my resume so many times now I can't keep track of what I am supposed to be anymore.


So, I am taking the week to regroup, revise my resume, and come up with a plan that I will follow through on. That means informationals and committing to some things like a job search accountability group, signing up for a Project Management Certification program, and finding a way in to clinical setting.  Because I lack focus, I have to work against type. My plan cannot rely on my relentlessly networking and hoping a job comes out from under a rock. For me, the work goes a little deeper. I have to consistently define myself each day. Lay it out, then diligently work on it, despite what my inner voice says.

Painting and life

For years and years and years I lived in rentals and had junky furniture because I couldn't justify getting "nice" things for myself. I figured I would never live in a place long enough or have these things long enough to warrant the investment.


Even after buying our home, I didn't have the urge. But then it started. First a picnic table set from IKEA, then some built-ins in the family room. I had no idea about painting. Didn't know you had to prime anything, (although I did clean off the surface), didn't wait long enough between coats. I got it done and if you don't look very closely, the end result looks fine.

Then I started on rooms and noticed the trim didn't look good. So they had to be painted as well. Eventually the kitchen and the cabinets, the foyer, a study, and the dining room have all been painted.

Most of this done in the early morning hours or on weekends. Each time I learned something.

1. The fumes won't kill you, but the oil based stuff will make you feel lousy. Don't be a dummy and know what you are working with, how to keep yourself healthy, and why.

2. Preparation is key. Clean everything with TSP, prime and caulk the trim, then paint the walls with a roller. Do an entire area (edges and walls at once). Anticipate what are known problems first. It makes the big job go easier because you are not interrupting your workflow to deal with issues.

3. When you are careful, you don't need painter's tape. Taping becomes a big waste of time if you pay attention to what you are doing.

4. You do need a drop cloth. Rollers splatter.

5. Keep the paintbrushes and rollers in a plastic bag when you pause overnight during a project. Don't forget to clean the brushes when you are done!

6. Don't lay it on thick to finish faster. Drip marks and bristle marks show you don't care. Light coats don't take that long to dry and you can look at your product with pride.

7.Try new things. You can paint over if you don't like it.

8. Don't obsess about little things. Nobody really cares if your lines aren't perfect.

9. It's therapeutic. When life's tough, the very act of moving and changing my world makes me feel better.


10. Life needs color.

11. Don't paint in the dark. I still make this mistake because I think I can see just fine. Then the sun comes up and I see my mistakes. See # 6.

12. You don't have to be original to be happy. Creating your vision, however unoriginal as it may seem, is what is beautiful.

13. Write your lessons down.

14. You can't keep waiting to learn more. Start already.


These lessons started in painting, but they apply in everything I do. Now my home is one big never ending project, a constant source of inspiration. Now for the rest of my life.

What matters

I know I've got maybe 2 readers out there so it caught my attention when the number of views rocketed last night to 15. Not knowing much about the intricacies of the web, I suppose there is a robot out there scanning the web--looks like from Russia. Turns out when I click on the link for the traffic, I get a weight loss site. In the past, I've found myself at porn sites. Guess that is one way to get traffic, target bloggers, many of whom are lonely and fat.

This week I've been on a tear, painting our dining room. We are finally going to throw our 5-year old his 5.5 year birthday party. The poor child's birthday falls between Halloween and Thanksgiving and this year, it was all preceded by my getting laid off. So we figured we would delay the celebration when we had more financial certainty. No job still, but we are certain. It'll be an at-home deal so we've got to turn up the imagination and energy. When you are working, those qualities are in short supply so it's worth it to just outsource the party. Now, we've got no excuse.

I've also hit a wall with the job search. I've also been telling myself that it's a rough market now for pharma and devices now. For example, AbbVie is letting go of its cardio force, Novartis is cutting, Lilly is cutting, Perkin-Elmer... I do hear of companies that are hiring, but the numbers getting let go far exceed the number they are hiring. So there is an excess of qualified and very experienced people out there. Experience is not my strong suit.

I'm still chasing down leads and applying to open positions that I can fit, mostly because I need to get unemployment. But I know I need to change my outlook.

To that end, I've been doing informational interviews and trying to identify jobs, industries, and companies where I would fit, not just in the short term, but for the long run. I have a great opportunity to change where I've been going. Trouble is, it's been hard for me to see where to go and take action on it. So I've been working on the dining room and listening to podcasts like Entrepreneur on Fire or Smart, Passive Income, and doing a lot of soul-searching.

One thing I've realized is that I'm not very good at contemplating when I am just sitting and reading, something I was trained to do since childhood. I just get depressed. I really like moving and completing projects. As a kid, all I did was study for tests and I'm not a particularly focused person, so I persisted and worked very hard to get less-than-stellar grades. I didn't do sports and only played stringed instruments badly as an extracurricular. (Yes, I am Asian.) That was my childhood, working for 100% and "Excellents!" and Kaplan SAT prep. I can not point to anything useful from all those years of "study".

What this means as an adult is that I needed someone to give me a frame of reference in the form of a degree, then fellowship, then job. And now none of that means much. Plenty of people look at my resume and say, "Impressive". But that gets me nothing. As much as I try to bring my A game to an interview, I am just not the best in the bunch. My PhD and the last job I had bring me no comfort at night. What does is thinking about being with my family and making a life where we all continue to learn and create.

For whatever new life to take root and grow, the old must die. That's what's happening to me. It is appropriate that Spring is here. I want to show my kids a different way to becoming their best selves. My hope is to they can get it right the first time.

The first of many more...

Drug-company sponsored free lunches for patients, or people formerly not known as Health Care Professionals (HCPs)


Pharmalot reports Novartis is hosting educational meals for MS patients. Don't know why this hasn't happened before as these events used to be hosted only for
HCPs. At least that was the case at my former employer. I wonder how this kind of policy would fly.


Personally, I'm for appealing directly to the patient. It puts the power of information in the hands of those who most needs it. Maybe this information is biased, but it's not worse than what had been presented in the past to doctors. Or not presented in Novartis' case.

Leaning in, Falling Down

I've calmed down on the whole Sheryl Sandberg Lean In thing. In fact, once the book is available at the library, I will go check it out. So my familiarity with the book is really based on on what other people are saying about it and my own biases about what I think she is saying. OK. But this doesn't keep me from writing about what I think. It is my own blog, after all.

Sheryl Sandberg is enormously gifted, powerful, rich, smart. But her life story is so unrelatable to me. A gifted child with a leader's temperment. Supportive family and extensive network. Stellar education, lucky breaks, harmonious chore-free home life, and self-effacing style to boot, at least on 60 Minutes. She always knew what she was about and how to get where she wanted. And most critically of all, she had the right mentors. Who can blame her for telling the rest of us what we have done wrong?

To restate generalizations we've all heard before, women are programmed to be less assertive than men. They are passive agents in life, taking what is given to them, but not asking for more. If  women are assertive, then they are labeled bossy and worse. Sandberg says that women should go full bore until they have children. Climb as high as you can and then manage your work-life balance.

Thing is with me, without children, I might never have become engaged in my work the way I did. Having my first child provided the spark, not only because I needed to provide for us, but because I wanted to strive for him. I'm just an n of one, but I don't think I'm unusual. I want to believe there is path different from the one Sandberg lays out.

As time goes on, I see less of what she says through the lens of a woman who has ostensibly failed at this whole leaning in thing and more as a mother considering what are the essential lessons my children need to learn while in my care. Overtly, her commentary is about how women conduct themselves in the workplace. To me, the core issue is in creating that person who eventually works. No amount of preaching to lean in is going to change that person underneath. That's attending to the symptoms, not the cause.


If you don't develop the self assurance and confidence to be engaged with life and decisions, it's not a trivial process to attain it. The core issue is how anyone finds that spark early on and how that spark is nurtured to become a fire. From there, how will you find good mentors and make good decisions? Those decisions come back to the values you develop at a child: What is valuable to you? What is right and wrong? Who are you? I believe if you address those questions, the rest falls in to place. Leaning in without knowing who you are just makes you fall down.

I've been fascinated by this Mr. Money Mustache. Now, here is someone who understood what he was about from day one in the workforce. He and his wife were able to retire at 30 before having a child! How's that for work-life balance?