Searching for a job is making me a terrible mother

I want to be a good mom, but I am not. Now that FT is teaching, I watch the kids more so there is even less time to look for and apply for jobs, to network, and to re-tool with new skills.

If I were equally efficient and clear-headed throughout the day, I believe I could manage it. But I have a definite clear period in the morning. I try and get up at 5 every morning to take advantage of that time before the kids get up, but with later nights because of that damned summer daylight, and a fan running at night because it's just too hot for me to sleep without a fan, I miss my alarm. Usually one of the boys is up between 6:30 or 7:30. This does not give me much quiet time at all.

This morning I insisted on completing a volunteer activity, a newsletter I am ghostwriting. The boys come over and want to eat. They want to eat candy they got from the night before at a birthday party. They want to talk about toys they want. They talk about the party yesterday. I cannont negotiate this and finish this assignment. So I snap and yell at them to leave me alone until I am done because a normal voice doesn't work. Then they cry. I write this entry while making them blueberry pancakes.

Being unemployed is tough. I don't know if it is tough because I have no identity apart from being a mother or if it is tough because I am constantly worrying about money. I often think that if I knew in college what my life would be like now, I would have made very different choices. Money isn't everything, but worrying about money is tainting pretty much every aspect of my life.

Hitting the job search wall

Now that we have settled in to summer, I have less time and motivation for a job search than ever before and I fear I have hit the Wall. On the heels of a long weekend, I've managed to make a few whoppers of mistakes, like completely forgetting a networking meeting with a VP of strategy at a large pharma. Yeah, not good.

As much I don't want to bring up how I am screwing up my job search and how it is so difficult to apply to jobs anymore, I do feel like I have to discuss what I think is happening is only to be able to look back and say, "Don't do that again" or on a more positive note, "It was so clear!". So here goes.

Summer is here, which means adherence to schedules is tough. We've had a string of family activities and the neighborhood kids are outside playing. My sons have also met the girl next door. They can't get enough time playing with her and the Younger will wait next to the gate the separates our houses for her to come out. Summer also means that FT is teaching a couple summer classes, making me a full-time mom.

The Younger is giving me a lot to do outside of a job search: We've taken him to the ER for a smashed finger, taken a day to replace a window he broke out of anger, and generally squabble with him daily on his dietary habits (candy for breakfast is highly discouraged, which sets the tone for the rest of the day). Every year I wonder if the next will be easier.

I've been focusing on being a Stay-At-Home-Mom. I'm volunteering with Scouts and Navigators, Tae Kwon Do, and arranging playdates for the boys. I'm cleaning the house and making meals, making sure the kids are still "learning". I'm also working on volunteering at my local hospital and staying on top of my business association activities. I have more than enough to keep me happily occupied and I am coming to enjoy the lifestyle. When I was working, I never envied the life of a SAHM, now I find myself thinking how nice it would be to have a minivan for carpooling and if we should have another baby.

And yet our economic reality is that neither of us has a job that can support the whole family. Both FT and I have to be looking and picking up part-time jobs as they come. My problem, of course, is that I am having an identity crisis. An identity crisis is very, very bad for a job search.

You can't force a square peg in a round hole. Am I a square peg? Although this current economic climate is extremely challenging, I wonder if I am suited for the corporate life at all. My last experience taught me that I will sacrifice my personal life for my job and that my ambition to climb the corporate ladder is not that strong. Is it worth subjecting myself to those forces again? So I am researching graduate school (again), this time on a path that will lead to a type of certification that would lead to steady employment with an institution that likes to see certification, and perhaps to my own business one day. Are the costs in time and money are worth it?

Job search faith

I am embarking on my ninth month of job searching. It's been tough. It's worse than a regular job because I am paying for all this myself and by the one measure that matters, I have been doing a crappy job. Feedback is scarce and after a certain point, it's hard to act on it because it feels like nothing has worked. Why bother?

Then I talk to people who weren't laid off and get advice like, "Have you gone to CareerBuilder?" and want to put my head to the table. Really? REALLY? Is that what you think differentiates you and me? You would look on CareerBuilder? Yeah, it's frustrating. It's not like taking an SAT or getting through a class. There is no guaranteed way to a job. I've networked, rebranded, applied and applied. I've got more versions of my resume than I care to count. And now, I feel like I'm running out of steam.

There's probably someone out there thinking I am unsuccessful because I have a negative attitude and haven't applied myself enough. I'm right there with you. I only have myself to blame.

What's wrong, I wonder, what do I do better? I'm plagued with these questions. And then there is life. Balancing a job search and family. Don't find many articles on that.

Last night we were at the emergency room because my youngest got his finger smashed. Why? Boys were being boys; Fat Tony needed to work; and I needed to be on a networking call.  Constantly, our minds are pulled away from what is in front of us to where we "need" to be. Fortunately, there was no broken bones, just lots of blood stains, tears, and now a big looming medical bill. Just like the bleeding ulcer, it's tempting to think this wouldn't have happened if one of us had a job that would support us.

I keep thinking we are learning and will come out better for this experience, but do we really know this? Am I just making up stories to make myself feel better?

This is where faith comes in. If there is one thing I need to learn, it's how to have faith. It's never been easy for me to an altogether positive person. I always brought a dark lining to any situation. Maybe I thought I was being analytical or insightful, now I see it's useless. So what? I've decided there is absolutely no good in dwelling on bad scenarios. Some might even say that entertaining bad thoughts creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I am wiping my slate clean. I'm working on being a positive but not delusional person. Where to start? I'm working on doing more, applying less.

Am I there yet?

The application
When I did my first resume rehaul, not to long after the lay off, I realized that 10 pt Arial font just wasn't going to cut it. So I got a template off off the Microsoft Office website and tweaked it. I also did my best to include keywords in the content of my resume and spent a good deal of time writing up cover letters.

I really like this link on how to make a resume shine. What I like is how it shows a before and after image of a sample resume. Most of the points I was doing...I like to scan, so most of the points were intuitive, but I completely missed putting a title at the top! Talk about obvious things you miss.

Lately, I've renewed my push to customize my resume for the job, which involves more than changing the title and summary. I thought I was already doing a reasonable job of customizing, but then at a job search event, I saw someone speak about her successful job search in which she changed fields. I didn't have much time at the end of the event so made a bee-line to her, got her card and followed up with her before she started her new job. I asked her about what she did.

My new contact told me about creating a pitchbook and sent me materials from her outplacement firm. It's really very logical in that it lays out the job description and you, the candidate's, qualifications for it. I am shocked with myself that I did not think to do this. (I am also shocked my outplacement firm didn't give me materials on this.) A central component is a table. On the left side, the req's specifications and qualifications. On the right, what you offer. Now, my standard protocol before applying for a job is creating this table. Before I apply to a position, I fill this stuff out, then write up the cover letter and resume.

It takes much longer to run through this exercise so I can't pound out an online application in half an hour any more, but I believe it gives me more clarity of purpose when I apply. This is a such simple exercise that makes a huge difference when applying. This exercise helps me shape my summary statement and customize my accomplishments and previous job descriptions to match the role.

A definite Don't I should include is reading too many articles on Inc.com. It's an engaging magazine for entrepreneurs, and I got the feeling that I was doing something productive, but in retrospect, I was in a fantasy land. I ended up writing a resume for a pretend company where I was the hiring manager, which makes sense. Would you really want to work for someone who didn't share your values? But what I was missing was the nitty-gritty details of how I would offer value to a potential employer, not my fantasy version of an employer.

Of course, with all this renewed emphasis on building a better resume, I find myself not applying for jobs of late. Quality not quantity, right? Definitely not what I should be doing because searching for a job is a numbers game. It takes much longer to put together an application and I just don't have that much time lately.

One good reason I've had less time was I'd been preparing for an interview for a small pharma and I am pretty excited about it.

Preparing for the interview
First, mentally. As opposed to other prospects, where I held back my enthusiasm for a job, I said to myself that this was the job I wanted...really, really wanted. It's perfect for me and I am perfect for them and here are all my reasons why. As Napolean Hill would say, I had a burning desire for my goal. Corny, but true. The candidate who wants the job more gets it.

Second was research. I researched the company and their prospects, the therapeutic area and the current standard of care, pulling information from the web and creating Word and Powerpoint documents. I built a spreadsheet on the available drugs and their mechanisms of action. Then I mined my network to get informational interviews with people who either do this type of job or who work with patients. I did my best to insert these details in my interview subtly, but for the most part, my interviewers didn't seem to care that much. I would do it again because I felt prepared and I think it reflected in my confidence level during the interviews.

Everything regarding the interview was done very professionally and on schedule, so it gives me confidence in the company I'll be working for. There were some details of the plan that I would consider aggressive, but these days, what isn't?

Pretty much most of my free time leading up to the interview was devoted to preparing. Thing was, I didn't have much free time. Since the end of the school year, we've been consumed with family and volunteering obligations.

Prioritizing
I think the most difficult part about looking for a job is how to handle priorities after a good interview. Do your follow-up--thank you notes and anything else the company wants you to do and then move on to another application. But there are no guarantees so you absolutely must keep feeding your funnel. Yes, I know this. Problem is in practicing this.

I haven't put in a new application anywhere yet. I also did hear back from the other position I was hoping for. The company has decided to delay hiring for a few months. So it is absolutely critical to get a few applications in by the end of the week.

That said, I had a busy week volunteering, managing kids, just stressing. So my body has to readjust. I think it sounds lazy and complacent, but I know that without recharging, I simply can't focus. Also, the sound of rain in the mornings, which we've been getting a lot of in the Midwest, makes waking up very hard. Finally, I have obligations to organizations and people I can't ignore that have been put on the backburner until I finished this interview. Can't ignore Kharma!

Phone screen.

After revamping my resume and creating a pitchbook for a job, I applied and got an email the same day to schedule a phone screen. A pleasant surprise!

I could have said that I could talk immediately, but gave myself at least a day to get in touch with my contacts to solicit feedback. These people were incredibly helpful, making themselves available before and after hours and they gave me some input I did not expect-- the stuff I needed to hear, like don't talk about family in your time "off" and bring up my energy level.

I practiced and practiced, paring down answers to anticipated questions and believing that I was the best person for this job. I got dressed up for my call and set my materials around for me to reference as needed. My plan was to practice until the phone rang. Only, the phone didn't ring. There was no call.

Was this the end? Did they already find someone and were they too busy negotiating with that person to bother closing the loop with me? Or could this have slipped this person's mind? If the opportunity was indeed dead to me, then I deserved the courtesy of knowing. If this person forgot, he should know. I called 5 min after the scheduled time passed and left a VM.

I went downstairs and unloaded some feelings about the matter to Fat Tony, then resolved to call this guy every half hour until I heard back definitively. I'll spare you the details, but forty minutes later he called back.

He was very apologetic, but otherwise, it was a cut-to-the-chase conversation. I liked how blunt he was about what he needed and I did my best to assure him that not only was I was what he needed but they were what I needed. I really wanted to work for them and these were my genuine reasons why.

He ended with, "I like what I hear" and said he'd be consulting with his boss. So I am hopeful.

What have I learned?
1. Focus on being more energetic and positive.
I tend towards quiet, so cranking up my energy is not easy for me. The rule of thumb I got is to know where I am comfortable, then go a notch or two higher. So I have my measure, The trick now is making sure I am "on". The mind trick I use is to pretend I am on the stage. Stage performers don't speak in their normal voices, and up close, the make-up they wear is garish. But they are playing to an audience far away. They need to project. Just like I need to project who I am. It's not exactly a stage, but my audience is quite a distance away. He or she doesn't know me. I'm not faking something that isn't there, just projecting what I have.

2. Be more rational.
That said, getting carried away with emotions and visions is not helpful and focusing on energy level is distracting. I made some assumptions based on what I heard in this interview and it was a very short conversation, but what I should have done was to pin him down, only I was feeling good about a next interview.

Making myself visibly enthusiastic goes at odds with being rational. Visible enthusiasm is something I have to practice, like practicing my elevator pitch (which never goes the way I practice it, but usually sounds just fine). It's like sports: You practice a move so much, it becomes part of your  unconscious brain, which frees up your conscious brain to think about what really needs to be done. I need to practice thinking about the next thing like uncovering processes, bringing up next steps and clearing objections.

While I am hopeful, the rational side of me says to cool it. I did my best during the interview and in my thank-you email to assure them I wanted to be there and that pay was not the priority. But there are many different reasons why I might not get this job and I might never hear from them again. I've put a follow-up activity in my calendar, so I know what I need to do here, but the most important thing now is to be working on the next opportunity.

What I should do for my job search

I attended another job search talk/workshop/networking event. This one was sponsored through a local commuter college and highly organized. I was impressed.

It was something I almost didn't go to. Online, it seemed like it was going to cover the same territory as the other seminars and workshops and online resources I've attended and read.

But it's important to be saying "yes" and to be showing my face, because you never know. I did have some good conversations and I am trying my best to help others. What I liked about this event was its focus on structure: it had a talk, workshops, follow-up workshops, organized networking time.

It also made me think about what I should be doing for my job search now:

1. Be prepared to effectively self-promote
You need a great elevator pitch. This is something that must be well-practiced, brief, and memorable (in a good way).  I can barely listen to someone drone on and on about his/her last six months of being so productive--at a job seeking event--and I'm not even a decision maker.

The group had many handbills and cards at the ready. I did not. (I'm "rebranding".) When I've re-developed my pitch, the collateral will be on hand and it's going to be eye-catching.

2. Be nice
Being nice certainly isn't a quality to hire on (and frankly, when all you hear about someone at work is that he or she is "nice," you might want to head the other direction). Most everyone was nice. I hope I was nice.

But being "not nice" does kick you out of the pool. Some stood out as being especially angry, clueless, socially oblivious, or self-centered. I made mental notes to avoid these people in the future. Positive energy is a scarce resource for everyone, not just for the unemployed.

Sure, you can't really control how you feel, but you can control what you do: When you are networking, make an effort to make eye contact. If you can't find it in yourself to care about someone else, at least pretend to be interested or just stay home. Let other people speak. Be brief.

3. Know who you are and how to shine
I'm clearly not the only one with this problem. Who am I? What do I do? How I bring value? Who benefits from my work? Define it, practice saying it, and most of all, live it.

The people who stood out to me were people who've taken a twistier path--Army vet, piano teacher, waitress--and people with generally sunny personalities. They gave me the sense they would be just fine because they are more than their job search.

Then there are those for whom I had the inkling there was a bit more than bad luck involved in their situation. They might have been trying to shine, but they just hogged the spotlight. Be careful to avoid being the one who is all talk, no action.

4.  Know what you need to do, not what "they" say you need
One trend I see is a goal to have more than 500 LinkedIn connections, to which I ask, So what? If and when the recruiter calls, the question is the same, "How do you fit what I am looking for?" How does having over 500 connections help you answer this question?

If your profile is underwhelming, you've just hurt your search because now more than 500 people (in theory) seeing a sub-par profile. 

Now, going through the work of filling in your profile does help you answer the question. Clearly defining who you are in a compelling way is an art. It comes from having talked and worked with many people who have helped clarify that for you through their example, feedback, conversation, and observations. If you follow up all these interactions with a LinkedIn connection, the 500+ connections is the result of a vibrant work life.

500+ connections is not your goal. Your goal is to create a process in which 500+ connections is a natural outcome. What are you giving? What are you getting? Why?

I read The Start-up of You recently and was pleasantly surprised. It's filled with inspirational anecdotes and practical recommendations on how to build and use your network.

5. Be thankful
This experience is bringing me to people I never would have met, revitalizing connections that had gone cold, helping me see things in a new light. I am learning and thinking about things I would not have made the time for, and am actively changing my idea of what I want to do with what life I've got left. We are prioritizing our days on what we need to do as a family, not around my work.

6. You make your own luck 
You could say that it's just bad luck to be laid off. Sure. Wrong group, wrong company, bad timing. But we do make our own luck. Look at me. I know I should have been looking for a job when I had one, but I couldn't. I was too burnt out and could not run myself ragged working on another company's short-term goals and maybe, down deep, I wanted to face uncertainty to discover who I really am and who I need to be.

So what am I going to do with these lessons? To me, everything I just laid out points me to volunteering. It's a way to get out and do instead of talk and ruminate, to connect and make a difference, to give thanks and to shine.

I've got a few ideas so stay tuned.



.

INTP job search problem: Lack of focus

It's been hard to keep my head up. Rumored hiring freezes and more dead-ends.

When I am feeling unproductive, I tend to re-check my Myers-Briggs type. Over time I've come to settle down on INTP, or Introspective, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiver:

INTPs don't want to lead or be led. They live inside their own heads, thinking. Nicknamed Architects, Thinkers, or Engineers, they are types to sit and work alone for many hours. Albert Einstein, they say, was an INTP. There are very few examples of women INTPs.

One of the pitfalls to being this type is it's difficult to focus because you are always taking in new information. I've never felt like I've never been able to find a groove for myself and throw myself completely into an endeavor, to let enthusiasm for a topic take over my being and think years ahead to the end-game. It just never seemed to matter. Of course, INTPs aren't the only ones with this problem, but most people outgrow this phase. Knowing my lack of focus comes from a particular set of qualities other people share gives me hope. I am not so uniquely flawed.

INTPs are supposedly very good problem solvers, particularly in scientific and technical fields. Funny enough, that is exactly what I did. I was a scientist, then a technical problem solver. Unfortunately for me companies are not looking for problem solvers, they are looking for "experienced" [fill in exact job title here] who are "proven" and "successful" with several years of experience at [niched job tasks]. At my last employer, I moved through a series of jobs quickly. At the time, it seemed like I was on a fast track. Now, not so much.

Computer programming comes up as a good job for INTPs. Most of the web postings are from guys in their 20's. (Self-selecting population, perhaps?) That said, I have an inkling I would like it. So part of me thinks I should hurry up and learn how to program. But wait, I have two boys, summer vacation looming, and a job search to do. I do not have many quiet hours to devote to this goal. Fun and interesting as this sounds, I don't think I can make this my number 1 priority.

My biggest problem is income. Conventional wisdom says, "Get a job." (Or as my mother would say, "Get a real job.") Lots of people do it and when they play it right, it works out great for them.

It's tough working for a company, especially a large one. Pharma and medical device consolidation is a fact of life for the foreseeable future. One industry insider said his company is looking to reduce budget 10% this year and another 10% next. Easiest way is to shed Sales and Marketing personnel. Derek Lowe has been posting on how much pharma has been spending on marketing vs. R&D. For an industry that relies on discovering drugs and innovating devices, this imbalance is utterly unsustainable.

Basically, I've got a few challenges to deal with: declining number of jobs, increasing competition, lack of specific experience.

But the worst of all is lack of focus. When you lack focus, you can't effectively "brand" yourself. In my case, "Problem Solver" is not effective, but I'm such a stickler for correctness, I have difficulty stating something else. I am a problem solver. I've worked on all sorts of scientific and technical problems. I have no trouble taking on new information and I believe that ability makes me a better problem solver because I don't carry assumptions.

Ironically enough, being a problem solver is my central problem because I have not defined myself well for other people. People look at my resume and say things like, "Impressive," but don't know what to do with me. I've also tailored my resume so many times now I can't keep track of what I am supposed to be anymore.


So, I am taking the week to regroup, revise my resume, and come up with a plan that I will follow through on. That means informationals and committing to some things like a job search accountability group, signing up for a Project Management Certification program, and finding a way in to clinical setting.  Because I lack focus, I have to work against type. My plan cannot rely on my relentlessly networking and hoping a job comes out from under a rock. For me, the work goes a little deeper. I have to consistently define myself each day. Lay it out, then diligently work on it, despite what my inner voice says.

What matters

I know I've got maybe 2 readers out there so it caught my attention when the number of views rocketed last night to 15. Not knowing much about the intricacies of the web, I suppose there is a robot out there scanning the web--looks like from Russia. Turns out when I click on the link for the traffic, I get a weight loss site. In the past, I've found myself at porn sites. Guess that is one way to get traffic, target bloggers, many of whom are lonely and fat.

This week I've been on a tear, painting our dining room. We are finally going to throw our 5-year old his 5.5 year birthday party. The poor child's birthday falls between Halloween and Thanksgiving and this year, it was all preceded by my getting laid off. So we figured we would delay the celebration when we had more financial certainty. No job still, but we are certain. It'll be an at-home deal so we've got to turn up the imagination and energy. When you are working, those qualities are in short supply so it's worth it to just outsource the party. Now, we've got no excuse.

I've also hit a wall with the job search. I've also been telling myself that it's a rough market now for pharma and devices now. For example, AbbVie is letting go of its cardio force, Novartis is cutting, Lilly is cutting, Perkin-Elmer... I do hear of companies that are hiring, but the numbers getting let go far exceed the number they are hiring. So there is an excess of qualified and very experienced people out there. Experience is not my strong suit.

I'm still chasing down leads and applying to open positions that I can fit, mostly because I need to get unemployment. But I know I need to change my outlook.

To that end, I've been doing informational interviews and trying to identify jobs, industries, and companies where I would fit, not just in the short term, but for the long run. I have a great opportunity to change where I've been going. Trouble is, it's been hard for me to see where to go and take action on it. So I've been working on the dining room and listening to podcasts like Entrepreneur on Fire or Smart, Passive Income, and doing a lot of soul-searching.

One thing I've realized is that I'm not very good at contemplating when I am just sitting and reading, something I was trained to do since childhood. I just get depressed. I really like moving and completing projects. As a kid, all I did was study for tests and I'm not a particularly focused person, so I persisted and worked very hard to get less-than-stellar grades. I didn't do sports and only played stringed instruments badly as an extracurricular. (Yes, I am Asian.) That was my childhood, working for 100% and "Excellents!" and Kaplan SAT prep. I can not point to anything useful from all those years of "study".

What this means as an adult is that I needed someone to give me a frame of reference in the form of a degree, then fellowship, then job. And now none of that means much. Plenty of people look at my resume and say, "Impressive". But that gets me nothing. As much as I try to bring my A game to an interview, I am just not the best in the bunch. My PhD and the last job I had bring me no comfort at night. What does is thinking about being with my family and making a life where we all continue to learn and create.

For whatever new life to take root and grow, the old must die. That's what's happening to me. It is appropriate that Spring is here. I want to show my kids a different way to becoming their best selves. My hope is to they can get it right the first time.

Why you should always be job searching

I have been struggling with motivation in my job search. My job counselor encouraged me to start applying and that's what I've been doing. Since I've started I often think about what advice I'd give to the pre-layoff me. Hands down, it is to through the entire process of applying for a new job on a regular basis. Why? Because it's a way to...

...assess yourself...
For the last few years, I was focusing on advancing and focusing on the job at hand. I also thought that I did have my resume up-to-date and was working on networking. But nothing beats going through the whole process. What happened to me was I focused too much on the circumstances around me and got complacent. I didn't step back to 1) assess and recognize all that I've done and 2) look at myself as a hiring manager would. 

Yesterday I applied for three jobs online. Fat Tony was kind enough to review my resume and cover letters. In the process he asked why I wasn't putting on my other publications. I said, "I don't have any other publications." He informed me that yes, I did and I was in fact second author on a couple of publications from my post-doc. In my mind I had written that period off and avoided any news from that lab. It's baffling self-sabotage and I can't explain why I never checked, but there they were in PubMed.

...in light of current open positions...
It helps to step back and ask where do I want to go? Look for jobs whenever you've got 10 minutes and print out any reqs that look appealing. Then apply for something you'd really want, not in a "I'm just testing the waters" kind of way, but in a "I want it and I will get it" kind of way. Write a customized cover letter. Tailor your resume. Think very hard about how that resume is going to get through the automated keyword search to make it to the HR contractor sifting through the resumes and ultimately to the hiring manager. I am finding that with each iteration I get more efficient and the resume looks a bit more "right".

Part of the job search process is to create stories about yourself for easy reference so when you are interviewing, you don't get all deer in headlights and blank on how to answer "Why should we hire you". It's an exercise that is so easy to do, I end up not doing it and then I forget. Applying for jobs is a way to make you stop and actuall document stories that fit the job description and write them down as you build your  "Why I'm Great" database.

When you look for jobs you are forcing yourself to find a goal. When you are building a career, you need to see how what you are doing is adding up to a goal.

and through other's eyes
The outplacement firm continually states that up to 80% of jobs are filled through networking. I am highly skeptical of that figure, but recognize that networking is a must. There are plenty of benefits to networking, but the one I want to talk about here is helping you understand how you appear to others.

The more I network, the more I like it, but something I did not expect was hearing how people perceive me or my background. For example, I thought that I didn't want to introduce anything about my research, opting to keep my resume brief. But a recent conversation changed my mind. It's there for background, just not featured.

I've gotten feedback that I am "technical" (whatever that means) and that my lacking an MBA is a serious gap given my current aspirations, so I'm revising my search criteria and seeking opportunities to do some volunteer marketing.

...and it's a way to stay current with common Office tools
I bought Office 2010 so I could work on my resume and other documents for the job search. After Fat Tony suggested I clean up my resume formatting, I knew I was a good decade behind the times. (Having worked on Office 2003 at work until this year did not help.) I've been working through a bunch of tutorials on Office and am happy to say that my resume is not in all Arial 11 point font.

I am finding that I have limitless uses for Excel and I'm sure we'll be using Word and Powerpoint for Fat Tony's new small business. 

These days the documents we create are a reflection of us. It's worth it to take the time to make sure you can create an impressive ones.

The problem with being extremely capable

I came across this post on LinkedIn recently and all sorts of bells went off in my head. The author Greg says that extremely capable people should be careful about not focusing because a recruiter or hiring manager doesn't know what to think of you. I believe this might be an issue women might have more so then men since women have a tendency to work for others more than for themselves. For example, a woman who negotiates on someone else's behalf will negotiate harder than for herself. The subject the author referenced is a woman, as were many of the commentators recognizing themselves in the article. It's certainly true for me.

I was that go-to person in my last job. When something needed to get done, I was tasked with it. And I would find a way to get it done. I had all sorts of connections, knew who needed to be talked to, understood the subtleties of our organization, I could find loopholes. At the time, I was proud of that accomplishment. I felt capable, trusted, maybe even special. Now I am feeling duped. The people who gave me the tasks didn't particularly care about my career development and longevity. They needed things done and they knew I could do it. Where are they now? Enough to say, not in the same situation as me.

Thing is, I thought I was focusing in an area--doing assorted tasks within Sales and Commercial operations to promote business. Doing what others wanted from me, thinking there would be a payoff later. My plan was to leverage my connections to something more focused with more feather-in-cap potential like a product manager position in the next year. Had the actual product not been so flawed as to warrant near complete redesign, it might have worked.

Not all is lost. But I will avoid saying "go-to" or positioning myself as that extremely capable person. The feedback, whether wanted or not, from former colleagues is that I am "technical". Personally, I am not fond of the term, but does connote an ability to master information quickly and to solve problems. So I will go with that.

When I read Inc.com articles about hiring the candidates who can do anything with passion, I forgot who I was appealing to. Inc.com is for entrepreneurs. I would like to be an entrepreneur. But right now I am not applying to entrepreneurial companies. A job req might say "entrepreneurial spirit", but who is at the other end is an HR contractor who is looking for X years of direct experience, a hiring manager who wants proof of said experience, and a department who is looking for guaranteed ROI for said job, not Inc's audience.

Time to do some more refocusing.

Prioritizing for the ambivalent job hunter

I tried really hard at this last job. Whatever they wanted me to do, I did it and did it well.

So what?

I was working on a product line that was fundamentally flawed and they laid off practically everyone in the commercial group as they started over. No matter how hard or well I worked, my efforts amounted to nothing and now I've got a lot of scattered experiences that prospective employers who are looking for proven abilities don't care about. My hope was that I would have enough connections internally to get me to the next stepping stone and while I can keep hope alive, I'll assume I need to move on.

I need a job. The time off from the last job has been wonderful and I have a taste for what it would be like to focus more on our home. Yet, there is the reality of our personal fiscal cliff looming in early 2013 when my severance runs out. Plan A is to wow prospective employers with my awesome transferrable skills and get into marketing. Plan B is to find something I've been doing well, but don't care that much about, so I can have some security to work on a small business.

My job coach says that companies make the most hires in Q4 in expectation of new budget cycles starting in Q1 so I should not slack off much longer. Applying for jobs should be my first priority. And who knows? I might be able to negotiate something that works for me. I really like her because she is good at pulling me back to reality.

I started applying for jobs in earnest this week and already have been rejected from one.

Because job hunting is disheartening and rejection news does get in the way of productivity, it's imperative to structure my time. I know I am terrible at sticking to a schedule. How I apply structure is by having a one or two big things that need to get done in a day and being productive around them. I like using my calendar on my phone to remind me of appointments, but that's it. The rest is in my head or on whatever piece of paper I find in the morning.

I procrastinate, a lot. But I am productive because I procrastinate.

I know that when I have a very important priority, I will find ways to do everything but. I make the job such a big deal that my brain gets paralyzed. The task becomes so important that I feel like everything has to be in perfect alignment before I take it on. This is perfectionist thinking and completely why I am encouraging my kids not to be perfectionists.

So I try not to have many Priorities, usually one, but up to three in a day, and lots of things-to-do-eventually. In addition to being few, the Priorities are also pretty modest, like, write a blog post, or apply for two jobs.

In terms of weekly goals, I mix up my job hunt Priorities. In no particular order, they are...
1. Job applications (aim for 2 in a day, two days a week as early as possible before demoralizing rejection news comes)
2. Networking (aim to talk to 5 people a week)
3. Industry research
4. Document creation (Resume customization, cover letters, blogging, job hunting-related statements, lots of lists.)
5. Exercise (need to fit into all my work clothes when do land a job!)

I find procrastinating with small tasks is is enormously useful. I know if I can get a small task done, then completing my top priority will eventually follow. This might not be a strategy everyone should follow, but works for me. and is a much better way use of time than say, watching all four seasons of Battlestar Galactica in a stretch, getting to level 45 of Candy Crush, or scoring 761,500 points in Bejeweled Diamond Mine.

My job search process

It's been over 3 weeks since I got news of our lay off and each day has been very different from the last. If I were to break down the weeks, I'd say that the first week was filled with straight-up grieving--a real demonstration of how mental state (reminder of the loss of identity for past 4 years and impact to family and future) translates to the physical (sobbing, inability to act). Again and again, I could explain why being let go is actually a really, really good thing for the company and me, but on the more primal side, it is a loss, plain and simple, like losing someone you love to a prolonged terminal illness, only many times less bad. Not a surprise and perhaps even a relief, but intensely painful nonetheless. Rather than fight the feeling, I went with the flow and kept myself out of public view until my body could catch up with the rational side of things.

That first week was about finding things to distract myself like talking to colleagues, doing small projects around the house, helping throw a birthday party, writing, and exercise so I could make it to bed each night and wake up the next day feeling like a different person.

Others I spoke to were submitting resumes almost immediately after the news. The kinds of sentiments I heard were fraught with anxiety. People had just moved jobs, relocated, needed the money, had much invested in finding jobs at the same level. There is a good deal of fear that comes out at these times and I can descend into worst case scenarios with the best. But for the most part, knowing we had a rainy day fund made things so much better and knowing that I had already been working on the the "next thing" helped too. My resume was pretty polished (could always use fine-tuning for specific jobs, but highlights were captured in the most flattering way I could manage), I had been working with a mentor at another division, and Fat Tony and I had been thinking about needing to get another income stream into the house. This turn of events was exactly what I needed to move on.

What surprised me was how methodical I got, not in a documenting and cataloging kind of way, but in a deliberate, "this is my goal this week, this is my goal next, and so on" way. First week was all about grieving. Second week was about reflection: who am I, what do I want? what do I need? Third week was about gathering information. Fourth week for applying for the first set. Then it will be about reiterating reflection, information gathering, and application.

The moment I started my job search was not when I started looking at ads, but when I started imagining myself doing a job, pretending I was in that role and imagining the kinds of customers or markets I would be working in. The jobs certainly weren't ones that cleanly fit my background and experience. They were simply jobs that just sound kind of interesting within sales and marketing. From there I started digging into the companies. I reached out to certain people in my network (LinkedIn is so great), telling them where things are and asking people with connections to those companies to talk to me about what they know. People can be incredibly helpful as most understand they might be in the same boat sooner or later. I made a list and starting keeping tabs on progress for each one.


I will take a moment to say that I can't stress how important it is to have informational interviewing skills here. Ideally, you should always be looking for the opportunity for informational interviews. It builds your network, builds your base of knowledge, builds your interviewing skills, makes you bolder. To prosper in the corporate world, I believe it is absolutely essential. But again and again, I get the sentiment that networking is difficult, not something people want to do, they find reasons not to send a simple email suggesting some sort of common activity like a call, a customer visit, an informational interview. This is a great shame because you are willingly keeping yourself in the dark. I can proselytize here because I avoided networking for most of my life too. I get why you might not want to reach out, but the way I've made it work for me has been to think that it is not about me being schmoozy and overly ambitious, but having honest desire to learn. And as far as fearing rejection, we should all learn to deal with rejection and failure as soon as possible. It wasn't until I was well into my thirties that I understood that rejection and failure are more informative than success in a lot of ways. I've made many attempts to reach out with a good number of failures, where people blow you off, make you feel small, or where nothing comes of your meeting. That's OK That's just life. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't.

All this said, I still have my hang-ups. I am certainly not comfortable with "networking events". The one time I attended one in the Bay Area, I came away thinking I was an utter moron and destined for failure. That was really not the right venue for me at the time and the excuse I like to use now for avoiding these events is that I live too far away from where they happen to attend and be a responsible family member. So my goal here is to find other ways to meet people. Perhaps in the blogosphere, perhaps at community events, as long as it doesn't feel like a corporate meat market, I'm good.

OK, so where was I? Oh yes, this week is about applying. Wish me luck.

Job search start

A job search is daunting stuff. On one hand, once I allow myself to consider anything that might capture my interest, the field of possible futures is really interesting, even exciting. On the other, because I don't precisely fit most descriptions, I feel like I am a hopeless incompetent.

So instead of getting on the emotional roller coaster right now, and while I have the luxury of time and resources, I am considering what I want and need.

First of all, some background: I am in what can be considered technical sales in an industry where there is general trend of different divisions consolidating. I am talking about very large multibillion dollar companies with several divisions. These companies have several divisions but there is no formal coordination across division. So multiple sales reps from the same company may be literally bumping into one another at sites. Clearly this looks very bad for a company. Consequently, these companies are sensibly realigning their respective sales forces to create more coordination. (By the way, this is not what happened with me; my business unit decided to shut down commercial operations for a while for other reasons.) My scan of jobs in my industry on a site like Careerbuilder.com shows a great deal of openings for director-level positions, which makes me think these companies are still in the process of realigning at the top and will be working their way down, so I might not expect to see many postings from these places until next year.

To have a long, successful career in sales or marketing, I will need to be highly networked with the customer base as well as understand the subtleties of the field being sold into. This is what garners the value in pay and status. Someone who can say he or she has worked with an influential decision maker (at the C-level) and can use those connections for the company is immediately more valuable than a run-of-the-mill hard worker. Also valuable are those who understand strategy and have proven themselves capable of creating and successfully executing a plan.

With these concerns in mind, here is my list of qualities my next job:

1. Reasonable expectations. I have a tendency to become consumed by the job I do. Unlike sane people, I have a great deal of difficulty differentiating myself from what I do. Separation was more difficult when I was in academia, but industry is more accommodating of work-life boundaries. For the next position, I like to think that I can be happy at a position where reliability and diligence are most prized. I like to think I'll be able to help homeschool our kids or make some progress on my dream business.

Basically, I think I will be happy if I can achieve my goals and am not micromanaged. 

2. A "nice" culture. To me, "nice" is actually a composite of other qualities like compassion, honesty, and morality, certainly not the practice of observing everybody's birthday. It's debatable whether this is a necessity for "success" as we all have heard stories of those who can conveniently overlook the truth but still be extremely successful at their jobs. Competence and niceness certainly aren't the same. I might value this because I am a terrible liar, but maybe I do because being nice amounts to doing the right thing and being kind and fair. It is the foundation on which to build lasting, productive relationships. Think Stephen Covey's tenet, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Civility and open-mindedness are aspects of a workplace that are worth a lot and I would take a pay cut to be part of such a culture.

Of course, this should translate to good management. I have a track record of leaving bad managers.

3. Access to knowledge and expertise. One of the highlights of my last year was the opportunity to attend conferences as a means to network and to become current with a field. When I listen to talks and see who asks questions, I put together a picture of who's who and who's doing what. It is a tremendous disappointment to me that I might need to start over building my knowledge base as this is something I had to rebuild after leaving academia, so I am doing a lot of thinking about how I might avoid such a possibility. I will think very carefully about the relationships I will foster and how they will play out over the long-term.

I want to be really good at what I do and build relationships with a lot of very smart people, so much so that one day I want to be in the position where I will be able to predict what will happen next in a field.

4. Solid product, solid company.  You would think this would be a no-brainer, but I think people put on the rose-colored glasses for an interview and hear what they want to hear. I will be spending a great deal of time investigating what I'd be selling and to whom. When I've talked to people who were applying for a job as part of their interview schedule, I've always let them know that they can contact me with any questions. I can't say anyone as ever taken me up on the offer, and it's still surprising to me.

5. Compensation. I saw an article that said beyond $75K, money does not improve happiness. I don't believe it, plus I am the sole bread winner for a family of four, so that number should probably be more. Still, having health insurance and the benefits with having a retirement program does mean a lot. At some point, the search will be about what we absolutely need.

My older colleagues have talked about ageism in the workplace. After many years with a company, their base salary becomes too high and when cost-cutting happens, it is the more experienced who are the first to go. Companies don't seem to value experience, so it's difficult to find work at the same pay scale. I have some difficulty sympathizing here as I know they make quite a bit more than most of the world and are sounding a bit too entitled for my taste. I truly believe that we will all be hitting income ceilings working for a company and don't believe I will be at a company for more than four years. It's the move up or out model. Sounds heartless, but makes sense. My strategy for increasing net pay is to create multiple income streams. 

6. Opportunity for growth.  This one is tricky to define as one can take growth to mean many things. In my case, I want to have evidence of success in moving a project forward or in exceeding sales and I want to know it is recognized in a way that will get me more responsibility.

At the same time, I don't want to get too far ahead of things when I am interviewing. It's probably better to ask about other people's career trajectories at the company.

So there. Not an outrageous list at all. I'll be using it as a way to critically evaluate possibilities before getting carried away. I am telling myself that I don't have to take the first thing that comes along as there will be reorganizations coming.

I've sent my resume to some of my connections, but I have yet to actually apply to a job online. I have a pretty solid generic resume, but my next challenge is writing a killer cover letter and creating customized resumes.

Recruiting

Got a call from a recruiter recently.

There has been some uncertainty at work and some restlessness on my part so the time seems right to be looking to alternatives.

And yet, I declined. On the face of it the money wasn't there. But had I heard of the opportunity to do something more than what I am now, I would have bitten.

It's nice to have a call from the blue to clarify my intentions. I'm thankful this recruiter called and I'd like to help this recruiter fill his placement, but he hasn't gotten back to me with details.