I know I've got maybe 2 readers out there so it caught my attention when the number of views rocketed last night to 15. Not knowing much about the intricacies of the web, I suppose there is a robot out there scanning the web--looks like from Russia. Turns out when I click on the link for the traffic, I get a weight loss site. In the past, I've found myself at porn sites. Guess that is one way to get traffic, target bloggers, many of whom are lonely and fat.
This week I've been on a tear, painting our dining room. We are finally going to throw our 5-year old his 5.5 year birthday party. The poor child's birthday falls between Halloween and Thanksgiving and this year, it was all preceded by my getting laid off. So we figured we would delay the celebration when we had more financial certainty. No job still, but we are certain. It'll be an at-home deal so we've got to turn up the imagination and energy. When you are working, those qualities are in short supply so it's worth it to just outsource the party. Now, we've got no excuse.
I've also hit a wall with the job search. I've also been telling myself that it's a rough market now for pharma and devices now. For example, AbbVie is letting go of its cardio force, Novartis is cutting, Lilly is cutting, Perkin-Elmer... I do hear of companies that are hiring, but the numbers getting let go far exceed the number they are hiring. So there is an excess of qualified and very experienced people out there. Experience is not my strong suit.
I'm still chasing down leads and applying to open positions that I can fit, mostly because I need to get unemployment. But I know I need to change my outlook.
To that end, I've been doing informational interviews and trying to identify jobs, industries, and companies where I would fit, not just in the short term, but for the long run. I have a great opportunity to change where I've been going. Trouble is, it's been hard for me to see where to go and take action on it. So I've been working on the dining room and listening to podcasts like Entrepreneur on Fire or Smart, Passive Income, and doing a lot of soul-searching.
One thing I've realized is that I'm not very good at contemplating when I am just sitting and reading, something I was trained to do since childhood. I just get depressed. I really like moving and completing projects. As a kid, all I did was study for tests and I'm not a particularly focused person, so I persisted and worked very hard to get less-than-stellar grades. I didn't do sports and only played stringed instruments badly as an extracurricular. (Yes, I am Asian.) That was my childhood, working for 100% and "Excellents!" and Kaplan SAT prep. I can not point to anything useful from all those years of "study".
What this means as an adult is that I needed someone to give me a frame of reference in the form of a degree, then fellowship, then job. And now none of that means much. Plenty of people look at my resume and say, "Impressive". But that gets me nothing. As much as I try to bring my A game to an interview, I am just not the best in the bunch. My PhD and the last job I had bring me no comfort at night. What does is thinking about being with my family and making a life where we all continue to learn and create.
For whatever new life to take root and grow, the old must die. That's what's happening to me. It is appropriate that Spring is here. I want to show my kids a different way to becoming their best selves. My hope is to they can get it right the first time.
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