Another great day for the unemployed mom

Blur had another crying episode at a class, making it his third and Little Bear is turning into an all-around annoying kid.


I get angry over little things--little to the casual observer, but big to me. I yell a lot. I don't happen to think it's yelling when I am doing it. Like today. I was talking about the shitty Illinois economy and the kids don't understand that I'm mad at an abstraction. (Besides nobody tells me I am yelling when I am yelling. Why is that?)

I have been saying that if things keep up, we will have to move. This does not sit well with the kids, Blur especially. He loves it here and hates change. This talk of change makes him want to hunker down at home so when I take him to Spanish class, which is a new thing for him anyways, he freaks out and bolts for the exit. LB on the other hand, handles that stuff well, but does have anger issues when he doesn't get his way. Maybe it's just because he's 5, but maybe he's taking his cues from me.

All day the kids talk about things they want. Wii games, Minecraft, a pet, birthday parties, Hero Factory, going out to restaurants, Disneyland, California...like their friends have. I have cancelled all our dentist visits and am wondering how I can get out of taking the boys to the doctor's before school because we don't have health insurance and are expecting a big ER bill for LB's smashed finger. Our lack of revenue concerns me.

I am really racking up therapy session topics for my kids. I'm not entirely sure that is a bad thing. Maybe this is my warped mind talking, but sometimes I think I am showing them the reality of what happens when you make bad work decisions, when you are complacent and think things will just work out. The one thing I regret about my life is not having a better plan regarding work, money, and life. My message to me kids: Do better than me.

We made the decision recently to get Blur back into school. I will be at the school first day back from summer vacation to register him. We pulled him because we thought homeschool would be better and it was for a bit. But now that FT is teaching and I need to be looking for a job full time, both kids need less of me and more of other (sane) people.