Now that we have settled in to summer, I have less time and motivation for a job search than ever before and I fear I have hit the Wall. On the heels of a long weekend, I've managed to make a few whoppers of mistakes, like completely forgetting a networking meeting with a VP of strategy at a large pharma. Yeah, not good.
As much I don't want to bring up how I am screwing up my job search and how it is so difficult to apply to jobs anymore, I do feel like I have to discuss what I think is happening is only to be able to look back and say, "Don't do that again" or on a more positive note, "It was so clear!". So here goes.
Summer is here, which means adherence to schedules is tough. We've had a string of family activities and the neighborhood kids are outside playing. My sons have also met the girl next door. They can't get enough time playing with her and the Younger will wait next to the gate the separates our houses for her to come out. Summer also means that FT is teaching a couple summer classes, making me a full-time mom.
The Younger is giving me a lot to do outside of a job search: We've taken him to the ER for a smashed finger, taken a day to replace a window he broke out of anger, and generally squabble with him daily on his dietary habits (candy for breakfast is highly discouraged, which sets the tone for the rest of the day). Every year I wonder if the next will be easier.
I've been focusing on being a Stay-At-Home-Mom. I'm volunteering with Scouts and Navigators, Tae Kwon Do, and arranging playdates for the boys. I'm cleaning the house and making meals, making sure the kids are still "learning". I'm also working on volunteering at my local hospital and staying on top of my business association activities. I have more than enough to keep me happily occupied and I am coming to enjoy the lifestyle. When I was working, I never envied the life of a SAHM, now I find myself thinking how nice it would be to have a minivan for carpooling and if we should have another baby.
And yet our economic reality is that neither of us has a job that can support the whole family. Both FT and I have to be looking and picking up part-time jobs as they come. My problem, of course, is that I am having an identity crisis. An identity crisis is very, very bad for a job search.
You can't force a square peg in a round hole. Am I a square peg? Although this current economic climate is extremely challenging, I wonder if I am suited for the corporate life at all. My last experience taught me that I will sacrifice my personal life for my job and that my ambition to climb the corporate ladder is not that strong. Is it worth subjecting myself to those forces again? So I am researching graduate school (again), this time on a path that will lead to a type of certification that would lead to steady employment with an institution that likes to see certification, and perhaps to my own business one day. Are the costs in time and money are worth it?
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