Job search start

A job search is daunting stuff. On one hand, once I allow myself to consider anything that might capture my interest, the field of possible futures is really interesting, even exciting. On the other, because I don't precisely fit most descriptions, I feel like I am a hopeless incompetent.

So instead of getting on the emotional roller coaster right now, and while I have the luxury of time and resources, I am considering what I want and need.

First of all, some background: I am in what can be considered technical sales in an industry where there is general trend of different divisions consolidating. I am talking about very large multibillion dollar companies with several divisions. These companies have several divisions but there is no formal coordination across division. So multiple sales reps from the same company may be literally bumping into one another at sites. Clearly this looks very bad for a company. Consequently, these companies are sensibly realigning their respective sales forces to create more coordination. (By the way, this is not what happened with me; my business unit decided to shut down commercial operations for a while for other reasons.) My scan of jobs in my industry on a site like Careerbuilder.com shows a great deal of openings for director-level positions, which makes me think these companies are still in the process of realigning at the top and will be working their way down, so I might not expect to see many postings from these places until next year.

To have a long, successful career in sales or marketing, I will need to be highly networked with the customer base as well as understand the subtleties of the field being sold into. This is what garners the value in pay and status. Someone who can say he or she has worked with an influential decision maker (at the C-level) and can use those connections for the company is immediately more valuable than a run-of-the-mill hard worker. Also valuable are those who understand strategy and have proven themselves capable of creating and successfully executing a plan.

With these concerns in mind, here is my list of qualities my next job:

1. Reasonable expectations. I have a tendency to become consumed by the job I do. Unlike sane people, I have a great deal of difficulty differentiating myself from what I do. Separation was more difficult when I was in academia, but industry is more accommodating of work-life boundaries. For the next position, I like to think that I can be happy at a position where reliability and diligence are most prized. I like to think I'll be able to help homeschool our kids or make some progress on my dream business.

Basically, I think I will be happy if I can achieve my goals and am not micromanaged. 

2. A "nice" culture. To me, "nice" is actually a composite of other qualities like compassion, honesty, and morality, certainly not the practice of observing everybody's birthday. It's debatable whether this is a necessity for "success" as we all have heard stories of those who can conveniently overlook the truth but still be extremely successful at their jobs. Competence and niceness certainly aren't the same. I might value this because I am a terrible liar, but maybe I do because being nice amounts to doing the right thing and being kind and fair. It is the foundation on which to build lasting, productive relationships. Think Stephen Covey's tenet, Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Civility and open-mindedness are aspects of a workplace that are worth a lot and I would take a pay cut to be part of such a culture.

Of course, this should translate to good management. I have a track record of leaving bad managers.

3. Access to knowledge and expertise. One of the highlights of my last year was the opportunity to attend conferences as a means to network and to become current with a field. When I listen to talks and see who asks questions, I put together a picture of who's who and who's doing what. It is a tremendous disappointment to me that I might need to start over building my knowledge base as this is something I had to rebuild after leaving academia, so I am doing a lot of thinking about how I might avoid such a possibility. I will think very carefully about the relationships I will foster and how they will play out over the long-term.

I want to be really good at what I do and build relationships with a lot of very smart people, so much so that one day I want to be in the position where I will be able to predict what will happen next in a field.

4. Solid product, solid company.  You would think this would be a no-brainer, but I think people put on the rose-colored glasses for an interview and hear what they want to hear. I will be spending a great deal of time investigating what I'd be selling and to whom. When I've talked to people who were applying for a job as part of their interview schedule, I've always let them know that they can contact me with any questions. I can't say anyone as ever taken me up on the offer, and it's still surprising to me.

5. Compensation. I saw an article that said beyond $75K, money does not improve happiness. I don't believe it, plus I am the sole bread winner for a family of four, so that number should probably be more. Still, having health insurance and the benefits with having a retirement program does mean a lot. At some point, the search will be about what we absolutely need.

My older colleagues have talked about ageism in the workplace. After many years with a company, their base salary becomes too high and when cost-cutting happens, it is the more experienced who are the first to go. Companies don't seem to value experience, so it's difficult to find work at the same pay scale. I have some difficulty sympathizing here as I know they make quite a bit more than most of the world and are sounding a bit too entitled for my taste. I truly believe that we will all be hitting income ceilings working for a company and don't believe I will be at a company for more than four years. It's the move up or out model. Sounds heartless, but makes sense. My strategy for increasing net pay is to create multiple income streams. 

6. Opportunity for growth.  This one is tricky to define as one can take growth to mean many things. In my case, I want to have evidence of success in moving a project forward or in exceeding sales and I want to know it is recognized in a way that will get me more responsibility.

At the same time, I don't want to get too far ahead of things when I am interviewing. It's probably better to ask about other people's career trajectories at the company.

So there. Not an outrageous list at all. I'll be using it as a way to critically evaluate possibilities before getting carried away. I am telling myself that I don't have to take the first thing that comes along as there will be reorganizations coming.

I've sent my resume to some of my connections, but I have yet to actually apply to a job online. I have a pretty solid generic resume, but my next challenge is writing a killer cover letter and creating customized resumes.

The true cost of birthday parties

I have several reasons why I am not actively job hunting. One of the more immediate has been my older son's seventh birthday party.

Parties in general cause me a great deal of consternation. Who to invite, how to invite, where to have it, how to do it. I am not a natural at entertaining and whatever social hang-ups I have become amplified at the prospect of putting myself out there for rejection and criticism.Throughout my childhood my parents never entertained and I have internalized the reasons why.

Thankfully I have Fat Tony to drag me into reality (kicking and screaming). He did most of the planning,  leaving me to obsess about the house and details like napkins and plates. He came up with some fun games and I came up with cookie and cake decorating activities. We both baked and shopped at different times. On party day Fat Tony led the way and a fun time was had by all. Yay, teamwork.

In terms of money spent, my estimates on food and drink are ~$100 (we bought pizza for 15 kids and some parents). We easily spent $50 on baking goods and decorating accessories that can be used another time. Party treats amounted around $110. So, $260 out of pocket.

Now what if I were working and took time away from work for shopping, baking, cleaning, rearranging furniture, doing more shopping? Since Fat Tony stays at home, we don't really have a number to attach to his time. Let's say my hourly rate falls around $50 an hour. Let's say I spent 4 work hours during the week on this, so another $200. (I'm not counting the time I spent outside of work hours.) That brings us to $460.

Here's a link on birthday party costs.  If we had gone to Chuck E. Cheese's, for example, we would have easily spent $325 in addition and we'd still have to get party treats and a cake. So, around $475 altogether.

Hmm. It really all comes down to how we value our time. If we don't think our time is worth much, then at home parties are the way to go. However, if I had put any sort of number on Fat Tony's time (and the stress involved with preparing), then going out is a no-brainer.

However, I am going to say that I am happy we did the at-home party. Opening our home is a good thing for me psychologically. The personal growth from confronting my entertaining fears is worth at least one therapy session. (~$200/hr).

By the way, our theme was Godzilla, so a few links here on the amazing things I found on that theme:
Here's one from one amazing mom
Here's one from a very cool bakery I don't live near
This is one Godzilla and I might try

Walk the walk

The other day we were late to the Cub Scouts mixer because my older son couldn't stop crying.

He was playing with a friend of his and this friend's friend, a boy a couple years older than mine. The two other boys started whispering and wouldn't tell my son what they were saying. Feeling excluded made my son crazy and he launched into a crying fit. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't tell him what they were whispering about.

The next day the same two boys were playing soccer at the older boy's house. Our two boys were there too. Our sons just wanted to play with the toys there and not soccer. Eventually A came home by himself and our younger son, T, was extracted by Fat Tony kicking and screaming.

I understand too well what it feels like to be excluded. I don't think Fat Tony nor I had much proclivity for team sports (though in my case, I was never given the opportunity). We don't play or watch team sports on TV. So the kids don't have a good template for being a sports enthusiast.

It's painful to see because I remember not fitting in. I remember girls blatantly whispering about me and many playground hours spent alone. Recess was torture. I doubt my parents had any clue about the situation. I thought why I was ostracized were for reasons I could not change about myself so I felt helpless. My resolution was to wait for my time at school and at the neighborhood to elapse and I would be free, which is pretty much what I did. When my days in solitary were done, I left for college and return home very, very rarely.

Now I see there were things that could have been done. First is to have someone to talk to.

A is still young enough that he trusts us and he hasn't learned to be a tough boy yet. It's a bittersweet task for FT and me to help him put that tool in his toolbox. We have to help him find ways to protect what is sweet and vulnerable and help him build some psychic armor. To that end, we have to be conscious that we are role models.

In some senses we have to be our children's harshest critics and tell them what no one else will tell them. People don't like cry babies and you were acting like a cry baby. We aren't saying that it was wrong to cry, but when you cry, this is what happens. I am sorry it doesn't feel fair.

What I have forgotten until now is that lately they've seen me cry more than a few times this past week because of past events and when I do, I get love from my family. I suppose I need to let them know it's a different circumstance.

My son and I had a talk about how crying doesn't make people want to like and include you. It's hard to accept as a kid that the world won't give you a hug when you are down. But that is the world we live in. He has to understand the rules.

We talked about how it's important to observe and respond to the world around you. If other kids are playing soccer, you should be playing soccer to be with them. But if you don't like soccer, don't waste your time and come home. We will help you find things you like to do and you will find friends through the things you enjoy doing.

Through my children I see truths about myself. I don't put much effort in activities outside of work, but at work, I am a social butterfly. It's taken me a lifetime to develop a strategy with dealing with the outside world and most of my progress came from realizing it's not about me, but how people perceive me. Much of that work done by my own reflection and experimentation late in life. What I can do now for my kids is to be a guide and tell them what the rules are, to help them find activities they love to do, and most of all, to be a good example at home. It is time to walk the walk.

California to Chicagoland

Here's something I wrote on why we moved from California to the Chicagoland circa Jan 2011:

Growing up in the Northeast, I never imagined myself moving the the Midwest. My dream was to go to fabled California. There was so much there: San Francisco, the Pacific, the Redwood Forest, Tahoe, Yosemite. Brilliant people, deliciously diverse food, orange and lemon trees, endless avocados, mountains, beaches, forests, deserts... So much of the world right there outside your door. After graduate school in the Northeast, I made it my goal to do a post-doc out there. I found an advisor, applied for my own grant, and did it. Fat Tony put all our possessions in his Ford Ranger and out we went in the winter of 2002. We lived in various parts of the Bay Area and in Southern California for 8 years.

With so much available to us, why in the world would we move to the Midwest? I was living my dream, so it seemed.

As cliche as this sounds, we missed the seasons, especially winter. Some people who grow up with winters hate it. Maybe it's just in their natures. I never minded. When I left the East Coast, I wasn't fleeing winter, I was seeking a new world. Then we had kids and we needed to get back to snow. The idea of our sons growing up without the experience of playing in the snow, making snow angels and snow forts, going sledding, and feeling the quiet of snow falling around you made us feel like negligent parents. We want them to know that rain, snow, ice, and overcast days are not to be feared and grumbled about, but to be embraced as another beautiful part of the world. You will never watch ice crystallize around the edges of a pond without being a little cold.

Try as we might, we never really felt at home in California either. That might have had to do with the fact that we never had a home there. No very close family, no house. We rented the whole time. The cost of buying a home was just to much for a place where we felt like outsiders. There was the financial cost. An ok 2 bedroom would easily be in the $350k's. Then there is cost in time. To get more for your money, you increase your commute to an hour or more of freeway driving. For people who grew up in California, that is just the way it is, kind of like how I regard the weather. Different tolerances.

There were some inconveniences of being a renter. In one place, there was a guy who never took out the shared garbage. We always did it. Another place had an ant infestation and loud neighbors to the back. Typical stuff. No big deal.

The more troubling circumstances happened after we had our children. When we needed to move closer to the place of my first industry job in the Bay Area, we found a beautiful duplex with a gorgeous backyard. It was in a residential neighborhood and we hoped we would find children for our one son at the time to play with. In fact, there was a family next door with 3 young children. We had hopeful thoughts, especially when the owners told us they were good friends with the family next door. But we never saw that side of those neighbors. They never made eye contact, never spoke to us and not-so-subtly discouraged their kids from playing with our son. Watching that mom shoo her kids away from my two-year old just broke my heart. I don't know why they were they way they were. I learned they were from the Midwest or East Coast, so this is no comment on the nature of Californians, just on our experience living there.

The last place we lived in was condo. We moved down to coastal Southern California when I got my second job in industry. I was relocated, so we didn't take the cost on ourselves, thankfully. We found a place about a mile from the beach. I envisioned us strolling there on a regular basis. Unfortunately, "strolling" with beach stuff along a busy road with a 3- and a 1- year old is no small task. Condos are also unwelcoming places for young families. They are eerily quiet--full of retirees and singletons, home-owners association patrols to make sure things are just-so. Not the best choice for us. Proximity to the beach was overwhelmed by the need for space. Disorganized by nature and confined to our condo, we were surrounded by stuff. Without space, we found no peace at home; life was an endless series of plans to get out of the house and find something to do. Spending the day at home on a weekend was the unattainable dream.

A word about the quality of the homes: All of the places were terribly drafty come winter, which annoyed me to no end.

When the start-up I was at got swallowed up by The Family, I got the opportunity to move the Midwest. Career-wise, it was a lateral move, but personally, it worked. We didn't get a place close to Chicago. That's nearly as expensive as living in coastal California, with commuting. We live in the far-away suburbs, a place so far, Chicago natives have no idea where it is. We put 20% down and got a 4 bedroom house with yard: our little piece of paradise. Including mortgage, insurance, and taxes, we still pay less than rent for our 2 bedroom condo.

Aside from the cost of buying a house, I don't see any other financial argument for moving to the Midwest. Food is about the same, gas might be a bit less. Distractions cost no matter where you live. Distractions in Cali are better, but with two small kids, who has time for distractions? In Cali, we were part of local CSAs that delivered incredible amounts of fresh vegetables. I do miss that.

What's been most precious to us is having kids on the same street that come over. Soon after we moved in,  our older son met two girls up the street, his first new friends. The next day he was dressed and ready to go at 7 to play with his new friends. He was only four and probably the first time he ever willingly dressed himself. We don't arrange playdates. Kids come over and our kids go over. Parents watch out for the kids and try to make sure they mind their manners, but don't interfere with being a kid. I like that.

I feel less self-conscious here in the Midwest, less prone to feeling like my car or clothes aren't nice enough. I haven't seen a trendy gift store since I've moved and my bank account and I are happier for it.

When I told people in California I was moving, I would often get this, Does Not Compute look. Usually I could get them to understand by saying that family is closer, which is true and translates to less distance covered for holiday visits, not childcare help. More often than not, there was the smug suggestion that I would be miserable, off to a life sentence, wishing to come back to sunny California. Why would you want to live anywhere else? Indeed.

I like to think that one day, I will go back to the West with the kids for vacations when we can afford them. There is a diversity and freedom of thought that is less prevalent here. I like the wacky liberals of the NoCal and the happy-go-lucky beach goers of the SoCal. I want our boys to understand those walks of life too. But right now, we belong here, in the cold, where life is less about what is on the outside, and more about what is on the inside.

Day 3, continued

This morning I fired off some emails to colleagues I'm working with on current accounts. Then I went off to my meetings, which I counted as "successful" because I did not cry once.

My mentor and I had an abbreviated meeting and I couldn't help but notice the look of pity in his eyes. I think he's been where I am now, so I like to believe it is empathy I am seeing rather than a reflection of the hopelessness of the situation. I am doing my best to keep a brave front and trying to stay true my vision for whatever is next. However, I am sure my mentor knows there is compromise on the horizon for me.

In addition to seeing an old friend, I also arranged to see a colleague and friend. It's good to connect. It feels less scary when you are with a friend.

Distractions help. Small goals and interactions that force me to be the person I want to be. It is when I am alone with my thoughts--when I am driving, in my bed in the middle of the night--that the feelings bubble up and overcome me. I try and go with it and let the feelings pass, something I learned from childbirth. Resistance is futile. The best way to handle pain is to open yourself to it and let it move through you.

While I started out sad this morning, I became very angry when speaking to another colleague worried because she and her husband are both out of work. This company should have thought twice about bringing people on when evidence was pointing otherwise. She was a new hire. My friend and her family moved thinking there would be some stability in her situation. Her husband is still looking for work and their son just started kindergarten.

Our company should have been able to plan better or position the job more accurately because the proof has always been right in front of their eyes, but they did not want to see or were incapable of making such a critical evaluation. (I wonder...can former employees sue companies for misrepresenting the status of the business like stockholders can?) So I am pissed. Pissed that my friends and I don't have jobs, but have kids and mortgages to take care of. Pissed that those at the top who made these "informed" decisions are still sitting pretty with sickening compensation packages. They are and will be fine.

Anger doesn't solve anything, but it does help me to say "Fuck it."

Losing my job

Day 1:
The day of reckoning has come. We gathered in a room after being summoned to a MANDATORY town hall meeting late the day before. Because of road repair it took me almost 2 hours to get to the office. My route is always very predictable so this delay must be some sort of sign.

The presentation of the new business strategy took ten minutes with another 40 minutes of questions and answers. Management does not have a complete plan, but they wanted to notify us of the Decision, which for those of us who have been with the company since the acquisition, was not entirely surprising. But I wish they had come to their conclusions much, much earlier, before people left other jobs and relocated. Though not explicit, for some individuals like me, it was obvious that our services would no longer be needed. For others, it is unclear.

An hour later, at a meeting with my immediate management, the elephant in the room was finally named and we were given the blessing to look for other opportunities. We will look forward to a more definite communication later. Until then, the next several weeks are "a gift".

I've been saving and hoping this day would be at the end of the year. I've been keeping my ear low to the ground and I have been working on developing relationships in other parts of the organization. Fact of the matter is, I don't want to go elsewhere. I will need to examine my reasons why though as I think they center on inertia.

That day, I was energized by the free pass and think of how I have the time to explore ideas I have.

My afternoon was spent talking to colleagues who did not see this coming at all. I am trying to encourage them to pursue their passions, but these are old salts and are familiar with a harsher world. I know I sound naive.

I am strangely calm and even energized. I will see what is out there and enlist as much help as I can. This is the push I need to spread my wings.

Day 2:
I had arranged a meeting on Day 1 with one of our senior managers after the news. Now I sit in his office and he asks how I am doing. I quip that I was wanting more time to spend at home. He asks how old my children are and out of nowhere I begin to cry. It takes me an eternity to give him their ages. I can't bring myself to say that one's birthday is next week so I give him the older age out of expediency. I repeatedly apologize and say I don't know where this is coming from. He gets a box of tissues and says it's because I care. I realize that I am grieving and am surprised at myself.

We spend the rest of the hour trying to speak constructively about my next steps while I focus on not bawling as the raw emotional nerve is occasionally touched. I look down at my pad of paper and do my best to avoid thinking about myself and my family.

My intent for the day was to move forward with what I needed to do to close up and to find something new, which meant time at the computer and facetime with colleagues. After my meeting, computer time was out of the question and I started driving back home. Then I put some angry music on and eventually found my way to a Japanese restaurant where I had my comfort food--noodle soup.

Fortified, I make my rounds with colleagues. I feel so much better to be speaking with people but am sometimes sent reeling when someone touches me in sympathy. As I speak throughout the day, I distance myself more from my soon-to-be former employer. While the system's problems were always fodder for discussion, I find myself concluding that it's not my problem any more.

I come home and cry some more. Fat Tony and the kids come home and give me hugs and FT agrees to get me pepperoni and sausage pizza with beer for dinner. I will let myself go for another day or so--until the need to cry goes away. I go to sleep hoping I will be reset. Then wake up a little later and cry some more.

Day 3.
I am not fully reset. Still feeling raw. I got up and am writing. Today I will go to another division, where I have a mentor. (I joined this program earlier, realizing I needed to make a change.) I will also see a friend there.

Recruiting

Got a call from a recruiter recently.

There has been some uncertainty at work and some restlessness on my part so the time seems right to be looking to alternatives.

And yet, I declined. On the face of it the money wasn't there. But had I heard of the opportunity to do something more than what I am now, I would have bitten.

It's nice to have a call from the blue to clarify my intentions. I'm thankful this recruiter called and I'd like to help this recruiter fill his placement, but he hasn't gotten back to me with details.

DIY Life

Since we moved to our home in the Midwest we've only done the minimum to keep the place livable. Then last year, sick of looking at old wood bookshelves, we started a painting project that stalled out over the winter. When we moved all the shelves out and saw that the walls behind needed some maintaining and the fireplace had some gaps that needed filling, a DIY family was born.

We are learning as we go. We've bought most of the Black and Decker library for home repair and improvement and have bought our first circular saw and orbital sander. I am finding that there is no such thing as a small project on a house since everything is connected. Take our our bookshelves for example. There was gap behind the fireplace, then the walls needed painting; painting for the ceiling, trim, and windows. The kitchen needs updating. Then we discover rusty nails peeking out on the ceiling. What's above? The bathroom. Hmm. a tile has popped out next to the bathtub from a water-damaged subfloor. What's the extent of the damage? Now the toilet is sitting in the shower as we consider if the leak could be coming from there. It might be time to call in plumber.

Funny thing though. instead of feeling overwhelmed, I am energized. I know we can do this. Well, most of it. I have a sense of accomplishment, self-confidence and some pride.

But this isn't just about me, no, there are many positive outcomes from this passion. This will improve our home value or save it from declining too much. Secondly, we are teaching our sons by example. Neither Fat Tony nor I had much exposure to work around the house in our childhoods.. Now that I am a grown-up and dealing with our first house, I believe it's a necessary life skill, like doing math in your head. If you can't do it, you put yourself at the mercy of those who can. On a more abstract level, you need to be able to critically evaluate the world around you and have the confidence to change things as necessary. Without that confidence, you are just a whiner.

We do need appropriate activities for the boys to help with. That can be tricky. The boys had earned themselves a serious grounding and it is a challenge monitoring them. But if I may say so, today was moderately successful. I had us working as a team and getting things done. In fact, our older son was especially helpful and full of initiative. He even said that he feels strong when he completes a task. He got a day off of his grounding with that comment. He's probably learning how to be a charmer as well.

Money smarts

Tonight I am up because I have a cold and/or allergies and can't breathe very easily. I suppose I may also be up because I spent my day sitting in the car and then at work instead of moving about as I have been during my vacation. Working from home certainly does have its unseen perks.

I've been thinking about financial education and how I lack what are considered the basics. Here is a Wall Street Journal article about how most Americans are in a similar situation. It is a serious oversight in our education system that there is no curriculum for building basic financial knowledge. Aspects of this stuff should really be taught throughout K-12. One need simply look to people's ignorance of financial basics compounded with stupid human nature to see how the disastrous tech and housing bubbles happened.

Getting back to what should be fundamental knowledge as stated in the article, it says that it is better to be invested in a mutual fund than in one stock.  Ok. I get that it is better to diversify and mutual funds are a good way of doing that without you, the earner of your money putting time into research. Over time, diversified funds would be less volatile than a single stock. But then, with so many types of funds, how can one evaluate them? I see articles like this that show me money fund managers don't seem to be more responsible than an average investor and they want to blame the company for presenting an optimistic outlook. For crying out loud, these are pension funds. What are they doing investing so heavily in a highly speculative stock like Facebook? If these mutual funds are what average Americans should be investing to protect themselves from their own bad judgement we might as well not even bring home a paycheck.

Mind your P's and J's

I was on vacation last week and have come back feeling refreshed and ready to handle work. We spent much of the time working on house projects which gave me a sorely missed sense of accomplishment. Of course, there were bumps. Nothing too serious, but the week's events do make me ponder the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you have them do unto you." We try our best to impress it upon the boys, but those darn exceptions. What to do for different personality types?

I have two selves. According to Myers Briggs personailty types my work persona is on the Judging side of the spectrum, and my home persona is a Perceiver. Judgers like to plan out a vacation. Perceivers might know where they might be going. J's are the organizers, the planners, the Type A's; P's are more impulsive, less structured, in my more self-critical moments, they might even be considered slobs and slackers. 

Two lessons this week:
1. Family is not chosen. Consider family gatherings in terms of hours, not days. Think very carefully of what different personalities need.
2. Try to err on the J side of things with people with which you spend less than 16 hours a day. 

Nothing new, but bittersweet and painful nonetheless.