California to Chicagoland

Here's something I wrote on why we moved from California to the Chicagoland circa Jan 2011:

Growing up in the Northeast, I never imagined myself moving the the Midwest. My dream was to go to fabled California. There was so much there: San Francisco, the Pacific, the Redwood Forest, Tahoe, Yosemite. Brilliant people, deliciously diverse food, orange and lemon trees, endless avocados, mountains, beaches, forests, deserts... So much of the world right there outside your door. After graduate school in the Northeast, I made it my goal to do a post-doc out there. I found an advisor, applied for my own grant, and did it. Fat Tony put all our possessions in his Ford Ranger and out we went in the winter of 2002. We lived in various parts of the Bay Area and in Southern California for 8 years.

With so much available to us, why in the world would we move to the Midwest? I was living my dream, so it seemed.

As cliche as this sounds, we missed the seasons, especially winter. Some people who grow up with winters hate it. Maybe it's just in their natures. I never minded. When I left the East Coast, I wasn't fleeing winter, I was seeking a new world. Then we had kids and we needed to get back to snow. The idea of our sons growing up without the experience of playing in the snow, making snow angels and snow forts, going sledding, and feeling the quiet of snow falling around you made us feel like negligent parents. We want them to know that rain, snow, ice, and overcast days are not to be feared and grumbled about, but to be embraced as another beautiful part of the world. You will never watch ice crystallize around the edges of a pond without being a little cold.

Try as we might, we never really felt at home in California either. That might have had to do with the fact that we never had a home there. No very close family, no house. We rented the whole time. The cost of buying a home was just to much for a place where we felt like outsiders. There was the financial cost. An ok 2 bedroom would easily be in the $350k's. Then there is cost in time. To get more for your money, you increase your commute to an hour or more of freeway driving. For people who grew up in California, that is just the way it is, kind of like how I regard the weather. Different tolerances.

There were some inconveniences of being a renter. In one place, there was a guy who never took out the shared garbage. We always did it. Another place had an ant infestation and loud neighbors to the back. Typical stuff. No big deal.

The more troubling circumstances happened after we had our children. When we needed to move closer to the place of my first industry job in the Bay Area, we found a beautiful duplex with a gorgeous backyard. It was in a residential neighborhood and we hoped we would find children for our one son at the time to play with. In fact, there was a family next door with 3 young children. We had hopeful thoughts, especially when the owners told us they were good friends with the family next door. But we never saw that side of those neighbors. They never made eye contact, never spoke to us and not-so-subtly discouraged their kids from playing with our son. Watching that mom shoo her kids away from my two-year old just broke my heart. I don't know why they were they way they were. I learned they were from the Midwest or East Coast, so this is no comment on the nature of Californians, just on our experience living there.

The last place we lived in was condo. We moved down to coastal Southern California when I got my second job in industry. I was relocated, so we didn't take the cost on ourselves, thankfully. We found a place about a mile from the beach. I envisioned us strolling there on a regular basis. Unfortunately, "strolling" with beach stuff along a busy road with a 3- and a 1- year old is no small task. Condos are also unwelcoming places for young families. They are eerily quiet--full of retirees and singletons, home-owners association patrols to make sure things are just-so. Not the best choice for us. Proximity to the beach was overwhelmed by the need for space. Disorganized by nature and confined to our condo, we were surrounded by stuff. Without space, we found no peace at home; life was an endless series of plans to get out of the house and find something to do. Spending the day at home on a weekend was the unattainable dream.

A word about the quality of the homes: All of the places were terribly drafty come winter, which annoyed me to no end.

When the start-up I was at got swallowed up by The Family, I got the opportunity to move the Midwest. Career-wise, it was a lateral move, but personally, it worked. We didn't get a place close to Chicago. That's nearly as expensive as living in coastal California, with commuting. We live in the far-away suburbs, a place so far, Chicago natives have no idea where it is. We put 20% down and got a 4 bedroom house with yard: our little piece of paradise. Including mortgage, insurance, and taxes, we still pay less than rent for our 2 bedroom condo.

Aside from the cost of buying a house, I don't see any other financial argument for moving to the Midwest. Food is about the same, gas might be a bit less. Distractions cost no matter where you live. Distractions in Cali are better, but with two small kids, who has time for distractions? In Cali, we were part of local CSAs that delivered incredible amounts of fresh vegetables. I do miss that.

What's been most precious to us is having kids on the same street that come over. Soon after we moved in,  our older son met two girls up the street, his first new friends. The next day he was dressed and ready to go at 7 to play with his new friends. He was only four and probably the first time he ever willingly dressed himself. We don't arrange playdates. Kids come over and our kids go over. Parents watch out for the kids and try to make sure they mind their manners, but don't interfere with being a kid. I like that.

I feel less self-conscious here in the Midwest, less prone to feeling like my car or clothes aren't nice enough. I haven't seen a trendy gift store since I've moved and my bank account and I are happier for it.

When I told people in California I was moving, I would often get this, Does Not Compute look. Usually I could get them to understand by saying that family is closer, which is true and translates to less distance covered for holiday visits, not childcare help. More often than not, there was the smug suggestion that I would be miserable, off to a life sentence, wishing to come back to sunny California. Why would you want to live anywhere else? Indeed.

I like to think that one day, I will go back to the West with the kids for vacations when we can afford them. There is a diversity and freedom of thought that is less prevalent here. I like the wacky liberals of the NoCal and the happy-go-lucky beach goers of the SoCal. I want our boys to understand those walks of life too. But right now, we belong here, in the cold, where life is less about what is on the outside, and more about what is on the inside.